Is freaking hard! You get sooooo used to life being a certain way when you live it for an extended period of time. Routine, routine, routine! As soon as it gets disrupted, all hell breaks loose. At least for me.
I try to carry on and take care of myself and family by making good decisions but I have doubts about whether or not that’s what I’m actually doing. What am I trying to accomplish and am I taking the right steps toward making it happen?? I feel very lost and confused.
Thank God I have a good support system of friends and family that are helping me. However, a curse haunts me. It’s my inability to let people really get inside my head. All they see is a self-confident, defiant, tough little woman with a will to do whatever she wants in life. It isn’t a lie.
That really is me but there’s a lot of insecurity and fear behind that side of my personality. I panic when I’m left alone with my vision of the future and how it could potentially turn out.
Will I survive? Will I be able to make a good life for me and my kids? Will I find happiness? Will they? What has all this change done to them? Will they be okay? Will I?
Just a few rainy day thoughts (it’s literally raining).