(carnivorous)

It’s the way you smile through your pain/ that grabs my heart

The smile you put on my face/ the longing i feel when we’re apart

You call me beautiful and feed me bacon/ my knees weaken

Your pretty brown eyes are causing an ache/ in me, the feeling deepens

Every time we’re together/ there’s always something new to discover

In your skies, i float like a feather/ you’re the sweetest kind of lover

In your skies, i fall like 1,000 pounds/ i won’t resist you

Don’t let me hit the ground/ baby, i beg of you

Kisses in bed/ voice soft in my ear

Caress my legs/ i pull you near

Sleepy smiles/ naked and unashamed

For you i’d run miles/ i’m wide open and unafraid

Am I Too Much For You?

You said that to me the other night. Jokingly, sort of, but you said it. We went on like nothing happened, had a great day together, and everything was fine. Now I can’t stop replaying what you said in my mind. I’m also thinking about everything else that’s been going on and I’m getting a little worried.

Do you really think I’m too much for you?

You have a lot going on right now, I get that. You’re not exactly handling it well, and I know it’s taking its toll on you. I would help you if I could. If I had any idea how.

We’ve been really hanging out for almost 3 months now. Known each other for close to two years. That’s a good bit of time. Enough to know that I care about you and your well-being. The last thing I want to be is a distraction. Can we talk?

I don’t even know how to bring it up. I’m as scared of what you’ll say as I am of how it will make me feel. All this time you chased after me, will you let me go now that you have me? Catch and release?

A Cobra and its Prey

Lies lies lies. They’re everywhere. Lies about big things, lies about the small stuff. When your mouth moves, all I hear are lies. I don’t know what’s real. Nothing.

Charm, charm, charm. You could charm a king from his castle, a cobra from it’s prey. It’s but a mask, a role you play, a way to hide. I won’t play along anymore.

Drunk, drunk, drunk. All the time, mean and cold. Nothing gets in but it all comes out. A pair of lifeless, hazy eyes staring back at me. I need to escape.

Apathy, apathy, apathetic. This has always been you, ever the charmer. No remorse for your crimes, no sympathy for the dead, no empathy for the living. One by one, everyone is leaving your side. I wonder why.

Alone, alone, alone. In your cell, in your mind, it’s you and the worlds you’ve created. No one left to save you now, except yourself. Like-minded people all around you, choose wisely, Love. 

You’ll never touch me again.

Counting Hours

Liking someone and being scared of it. It’s the biggest adrenaline rush there is, I think. Even if they seem interested, things change. That’s life, and life happens to us all. 

This could end in a brutal break-up, or we could keep going, day by day, getting stronger. So what will happen if I push through the fear of letting you in?

It’s not actually as hard to tell you what I’m thinking and feeling as it is in my head. That’s just one of my ways of being difficult. Maybe you’ll understand, maybe you won’t. I think you already do.

I can’t wait to see you again. I’m counting the hours!

Black Holes

It’s a Wednesday afternoon

8 hours to go

Until I’m in your bed

Time is too slow

Four hours to get ready

I must be perfect for you

For our first time

For whatever we’ll do

I’ll let myself in 

You gave me the key

And first pour a drink

To calm my anxiety

I’ll wait for you

To walk through the door

And give me the smile

That I adore

I’ll wait for you

To come over and kiss me

Run your hands through my hair

Tell me you’ve missed me

Kiss me while you lead me

Into your room

Trace your fingers along my skin

Lay me down in this tomb

Our stars are colliding

Crashing, they burn

Exploding at the lightest touch

You know I yearn 

For you. Your kiss. 

Your body. Your tongue.

On my neck. Inside me.

Pull the trigger, screaming gun

Shy. Hungry. Passion. Sex. 

The energy from our stars

Has become too intense

I collapse into you 

You collapse into me

Hot. Sweat.

Do it all over again to me

Double-edged Sword

Riddle me this.. What is one of the best ways to get close to someone you’re dating? Hint: it’s also one of the fastest ways to ruin everything. Can you guess? The answer is sex.

Getting to know someone before becoming intimate is so crucial in my opinion. I didn’t always feel this way, though. In fact, I didn’t realize how much I needed this philosophy until I had 3 children with the wrong person.

The sex was good but it was practically the only thing we had in common. 8 years and 4 kids later, here we are. Broken-up and wondering what went wrong. I know exactly what it was: too much sex, not enough of everything else.

I must clarify: I am in no way bashing casual sex. If that’s what you’re into, live your life. Lord knows, I’ve had my share. I guess it just comes down to what mentality you’re in. I want to find someone that I can mentally and emotionally connect with before sex gets introduced. I’ve come to appreciate the art of seduction of the mind and heart, then body.

So, how exactly is sex a double-edged sword?

Intimacy, in all it’s forms, is crucial for relationships, and all forms should work together to keep the relationship strong.

Emotional and intellectual intimacy allow you to share feelings and ideas. This is so important for me because I’m emotional and I think a lot. It’s hard for me to open up that part of myself in regular relationships with friends and family, let alone to an intimate partner. I believe this has been the trouble.

Being unable or unwilling to open up, especially in an emotional way, becomes toxic when sex is introduced as the sole source of intimacy. In relationships, sex is meant to bring everything together: feelings of love and tenderness, ideas and dreams that two people share, laughter, physical attraction, security, happiness. Even the not-so-good stuff can be resolved when a couple works in tandem with true intimacy.

When sex becomes the main focus of a relationship, things go downhill fast. There is no solid foundation, no feelings of closeness, no real connections with the people we’re spending our time with, just bonding through sexual pleasure. When we get into relationships like these, it can feel so real and so intense that we think it’s love. It isn’t.

That’s why it usually breaks down. Don’t get me wrong, there are couples who have started out in relationships just for sex that have fallen in love. It happens, it’s just not the majority.

I don’t want that kind of a relationship anymore. I don’t want to be afraid to let someone know the real me, I want to be loved for it. I also don’t want to hide the fact that I’m a weirdo (and I really am!). I want to fly my weird ass flag so that the man who’s just as strange can come and claim me.

I no longer have time for self-consciousness, either. Perfection is the biggest, most damaging illusion in our society. Everything has to be perfect. Even this idea of how I want my next relationship to be. In my head it will be perfect. I know it won’t be.

When I find a man I like, I want to get to know him. I want to share things about myself with him. I want to be excited for him when he succeeds. When I look in his eyes, I want to know what kind of kisser he’ll be. When we talk about music, I want my heart to sing. I want us to surrender to each other. I want to open up bravely. With a spear in one hand, my heart in the other, I want to fight for real love.

With my bare hands, I want to build a fortress that the God’s can’t destroy.

Dimes and Buttons

il_570xN.252956478It’s the strangest thing. I kinda sorta liked you all along but didn’t know how to handle it. You tried and tried while I tirelessly resisted. I didn’t want to, I had to. I’m glad I did.

This thing we have going on is fantastic. It’s weirdness and musical and sweet. It’s sensual and bossy and wordy. It’s invasive and secure and seamless. It’s everything when we’re wrapped around each other and I feel your heart race against my chest.

Every kiss feels like Heaven is shining a light down. Every touch is a whisper of our need for each other. Every smile melts my heart. Every laugh makes me fall a teeny bit harder. It amazes and scares the hell out of me.

I could lose, but I’ll swallow my pride. If it isn’t meant to be, I’ll drown in my own tears. If you ever decide to leave, I’ll walk you to the door.. And die one millions deaths when I close it behind you.

But what if…

I could keep you forever in my arms. In this bed. Would you stay here always in my embrace? If I hang on to you, will you hang on until there’s nothing left? Will we work together to make this the most solid, most fierce love affair in the history of time?

Please don’t change

Naked

I love being naked when I’m alone, in every way imaginable.

Clothes bind me when my body wants to be free. I like the look and feel of my skin, soft, enveloped in my sheets, cool night air all around me. My skin is vulnerable to the chill. It’s the body’s largest organ. Fragile and strong. Holding everything together. Sensing. Protecting.

A naked soul is the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. No hiding, flaws and sweetnesses laid bare before me. The only thing I see is a perfect being in all its splendid glory. It almost feels wrong when we remember that perfection isn’t supposed to exist. But it does. It hides within us all.

Being naked is the only way I can exist but it’s forbidden. Anger, stretch marks, open minds, breasts, pain and genitals are torn apart until there’s nothing left. They do it, we do it to ourselves. We have to hide behind clothes and what we’re supposed to be. I won’t. I’ll reach out and touch you if you let me.

Touch. Feel. Excite. Stare into eyes that have nothing to hide. Don’t let me down and I’ll let you inside. Soon you’ll be mine.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑